All of us, during different seasons of life, get stuck in unhealthy relationships. Maybe you're stuck in an unhealthy marriage, or in an unhealthy family, or in an unhealthy working relationship. If you were married into, born into, or hired into a "stuck" relationship there's not much you can do but make the most of it and take the high road as often as the opportunity presents itself. I'll deal with these relationships in a future blog.
I want to talk about the unhealthy relationships that we get stuck in because we choose them: friendships. Sometimes the friendships we choose can turn into toxic relationships.
I have a friend who is great fun, he makes me laugh, and he's full of life... but he's toxic. There is so much drama in maintaining a friendship with him - it's like being friends with a seventh grade girl (no offense to all you seventh grade girls reading this). Truth is, the more time I spend with this friend the more I'm sucked into his vortex of bitterness, delusion, and cynicism. I don't want to bring the residue of this toxic waste into my home or workplace.
Maintaining a toxic friendship requires massive amounts of time and energy - both of which come in limited quantities. I came to the conclusion a few years ago that if I'm going to be the best husband, father and pastor I can be then I need to limit the time and energy I spend maintaing toxic relationships.
If you've got toxic friendships I strongly encourage you to deal with them and stop maintaining them. You have a limited amount of time, emotional energy, and spiritual energy. If you're going to be the best spouse, parent and child of God you can be, you need to recognize your limits and refuse to spend time and energy on toxic friendships. Set some healthy boundaries and be willing to completely cut off some relationships.
I know some of you are thinking that's not a very "Christian" thing to do - you're supposed to love everyone. Yes, love everyone - but you don't have to spend time with everyone. Jesus didn't. When his friendship with Judas turned toxic Jesus simply allowed the relationship to dissolve. In Acts fifteen, Paul and Barnabas had to part ways because their relationship became toxic.
Don't spend another day standing in a pool of toxic waste!
Sometimes you just have to move on.
