The cover of this week's Time Magazine is entitled, "Why We're Stuck With Pakistan." The article tries to explain all the reasons that the United States is stuck in an unhealthy relationship with Pakistan. It got me thinking about our personal relationships...
All of us, during different seasons of life, get stuck in unhealthy relationships. Maybe you're stuck in an unhealthy marriage, or in an unhealthy family, or in an unhealthy working relationship. If you were married into, born into, or hired into a "stuck" relationship there's not much you can do but make the most of it and take the high road as often as the opportunity presents itself. I'll deal with these relationships in a future blog.
I want to talk about the unhealthy relationships that we get stuck in because we choose them: friendships. Sometimes the friendships we choose can turn into toxic relationships.
I have a friend who is great fun, he makes me laugh, and he's full of life... but he's toxic. There is so much drama in maintaining a friendship with him - it's like being friends with a seventh grade girl (no offense to all you seventh grade girls reading this). Truth is, the more time I spend with this friend the more I'm sucked into his vortex of bitterness, delusion, and cynicism. I don't want to bring the residue of this toxic waste into my home or workplace.
Maintaining a toxic friendship requires massive amounts of time and energy - both of which come in limited quantities. I came to the conclusion a few years ago that if I'm going to be the best husband, father and pastor I can be then I need to limit the time and energy I spend maintaing toxic relationships.
If you've got toxic friendships I strongly encourage you to deal with them and stop maintaining them. You have a limited amount of time, emotional energy, and spiritual energy. If you're going to be the best spouse, parent and child of God you can be, you need to recognize your limits and refuse to spend time and energy on toxic friendships. Set some healthy boundaries and be willing to completely cut off some relationships.
I know some of you are thinking that's not a very "Christian" thing to do - you're supposed to love everyone. Yes, love everyone - but you don't have to spend time with everyone. Jesus didn't. When his friendship with Judas turned toxic Jesus simply allowed the relationship to dissolve. In Acts fifteen, Paul and Barnabas had to part ways because their relationship became toxic.
Don't spend another day standing in a pool of toxic waste!
Sometimes you just have to move on.
A few weeks ago our church staff attended a big conference in Atlanta with amazing speakers, great merch, inspiring stories, and thousands of people all going somewhere - well most of them were.
When you're at one of these conferences one of the most frustrating things can simply be getting to where you need to go. It never fails that the break-out sessions I choose are on opposite ends of the convention hall which means I've got to wade through thousands of people to get to my destination. If you've ever been to a professional sporting event, or stadium concert with thousands of your best friends you know what I'm talking about.
Judah Smith says, "The most important thing you can do in life may be to just keep moving." This is never more true than in a crowded convention hall. For the love of all that's holy, KEEP MOVING!
There's always some dude in the crowd that doesn't have a clue where he's going so he just stops and looks around or looks at his map or maybe he's praying, it doesn't matter because he has become a stalled car in the middle of an interstate. AND he's completely oblivious to the fact that while he's standing there in the middle of this swarm of people his life is in danger. He's not danger of being trampled, he's in danger of getting punched in the throat by those of us who are trying to get to our destination. When you encounter this stuck-in-the-flow guy you've got a couple of choices: 1. knock him down, take his conference bag and tell him he can have it back when he gets his butt in gear or; 2. step around him and move with the movers.
Our churches are full of spiritually stuck-in-the-flow people, maybe you're one. It's easy to get stuck when you're confused, upset, angry, bitter, unforgiving, rebellious, depressed, worried, or afraid. It is very tempting to sit, soak, and sulk in the valleys of life. King David called these seasons "the valley of the shadow of death." It's equally as easy to get stuck when you're in awe, amazed, excited, speechless, spiritually high, and closer to God than ever before. It is very tempting to celebrate, contemplate, and camp out on the mountaintops of life. Peter wanted to pitch some tents on top of a mountain with Jesus and Elijah in their heavenly forms.
You can't dwell in the valley and you can't camp on the mountains, you've got to keep moving. Jesus invites us to follow Him which implies that He's on the move. Jesus had a laser sharp focus on his mission to seek and save the lost - He never got stuck-in-the-flow, He kept moving to fulfill His mission. Don't forget His mission is now your mission. When you get stuck eternity hangs in the balance.
If you dwell in the valley you won't make it to the mountaintop. The mountaintop is good for changing your perspective, inspiring you, and reminding you how small you are and how big God is. Life isn't lived on the mountaintop it's celebrated. Jesus didn't get stuck on the mountain and you can't either.
If you camp on the mountaintop you won't learn the lessons of the valley. The valley is where your faith is refined and proven. The valley is where you learn to depend on God and begin to understand how His strength is made perfect in your weakness. Granted, most of life is lived in the valley but you can't sit and sulk, you've got to keep moving through the valley. If there's a shadow in the valley it means there's a light. Keep moving, the light is your Savior.
If you find yourself stuck today (and we all do at some point) just get up and take one step, it may be the most important thing you do.
KEEP MOVING!
