I just returned from a six day motorcycle trip down the Pacific Coast Highway from San Francisco to Carpinteria. The sights, sounds, and smells were simply glorious! I won't bore you with the details - try it for yourself, you'll understand.
Every time I take one of the trips I learn something about myself, my God, my country, and my fellow riders. The past several years I have been the leader on these trips - which means it's my responsibility to choose the routes and the destinations, the lodging and the meals. It's pretty much like being in youth ministry again only the kids are bigger and the toys are more expensive.
What follows are my random thoughts on leadership learned on the open road:
- Those guys following me are counting on me being prepared! They trust that I have done my homework and that I know where we're going.
- Those guys following me are counting on me to ride straight and true.
- Sometimes the leader must sacrifice what he wants to do because the guys behind can't make the exit or the turn-off. So as the leader, I need to slow down enough for everyone to be able to move as a unit not as individuals.
- I can't always see everyone who is following me so I have to trust that the guy right behind me is keeping an eye on the guy behind him.
- Don't burp in a full-face helmet! (This has nothing to do with leadership, but since I've regained my sense of smell after years of not being able to smell anything, this was a really valuable lesson to me.)
- My mistakes are multiplied because everyone behind me repeats them - which makes the mistake seem bigger than it really is.
- My victories are multiplied because everyone behind me repeats them - which means the victory isn't really as big as it seems.
- Trust is difficult to earn and easy to lose.
- The leader has a lot more to think and worry about than the followers.
- The burden/gift of leadership should be cherished never envied.
- It is an incredible honor to have someone trust you enough to go where you go and stay where you stay and do what you do. Protect that trust!
Do what you want with those random thoughts - you'll either get it or you wont, kind of like riding a motorcycle down the coast...
The cover of this week's Time Magazine is entitled, "Why We're Stuck With Pakistan." The article tries to explain all the reasons that the United States is stuck in an unhealthy relationship with Pakistan. It got me thinking about our personal relationships...
All of us, during different seasons of life, get stuck in unhealthy relationships. Maybe you're stuck in an unhealthy marriage, or in an unhealthy family, or in an unhealthy working relationship. If you were married into, born into, or hired into a "stuck" relationship there's not much you can do but make the most of it and take the high road as often as the opportunity presents itself. I'll deal with these relationships in a future blog.
I want to talk about the unhealthy relationships that we get stuck in because we choose them: friendships. Sometimes the friendships we choose can turn into toxic relationships.
I have a friend who is great fun, he makes me laugh, and he's full of life... but he's toxic. There is so much drama in maintaining a friendship with him - it's like being friends with a seventh grade girl (no offense to all you seventh grade girls reading this). Truth is, the more time I spend with this friend the more I'm sucked into his vortex of bitterness, delusion, and cynicism. I don't want to bring the residue of this toxic waste into my home or workplace.
Maintaining a toxic friendship requires massive amounts of time and energy - both of which come in limited quantities. I came to the conclusion a few years ago that if I'm going to be the best husband, father and pastor I can be then I need to limit the time and energy I spend maintaing toxic relationships.
If you've got toxic friendships I strongly encourage you to deal with them and stop maintaining them. You have a limited amount of time, emotional energy, and spiritual energy. If you're going to be the best spouse, parent and child of God you can be, you need to recognize your limits and refuse to spend time and energy on toxic friendships. Set some healthy boundaries and be willing to completely cut off some relationships.
I know some of you are thinking that's not a very "Christian" thing to do - you're supposed to love everyone. Yes, love everyone - but you don't have to spend time with everyone. Jesus didn't. When his friendship with Judas turned toxic Jesus simply allowed the relationship to dissolve. In Acts fifteen, Paul and Barnabas had to part ways because their relationship became toxic.
Don't spend another day standing in a pool of toxic waste!
Sometimes you just have to move on.
